Be All My Sins Remember'd
by rubycaspar
Summary: Missing Moments from ep 4.11 Mostly focuses on John and his thoughts on Teyla. COMPLETE.
1. Waking Teyla

**Disclaimer – I own none of the Stargate franchise.**

A/N- Well, after watching BAMSR I found that I had ideas for not one but _six_ missing moments, so have decided to post them all in one story. They'll hopefully all be up tonight, or tomorrow – but I want to post them in consecutive order, and the next one isn't done yet.

These missing moments revolve around John and Teyla – mainly John. Please let me know what you think.

SPOILERS for the episode, obviously.

**Be All My Sins Remember'd - Missing Moment #1**

John stared at the Wraith in silence for a moment. He hadn't answered his question, and he had more, but they could wait. He put away his gun.

"Help me wake them up, and we'll get out of here," he said. The Wraith nodded, and John started to walk past him towards Teyla – there was no way he was going to let him wake up her.

Teyla was sprawled on her back on the bench, and if it hadn't been for her awkward position John might have thought she was sleeping. Her face was peaceful and her breathing even. He leant over her and couldn't help a small smile – it was so rare to see her like this. He reached out and very gently brushed a lock of hair off her forehead.

John heard Ronon start to stir behind him, and mentally shook himself. _What was he doing? _She wasn't sleeping, she was _stunned_. Jeez, he was crazy.

John gripped Teyla's shoulder and shook her lightly. "Teyla? Teyla, wake up!" He said.

Teyla face turned towards him, so her chin was resting against his hand. Her eyes fluttered and opened. She looked up at him and blinked in confusion.

"Get the hell away from me!"

John stood up straight and looked round at Ronon, who was in the process of jumping to his feet, glaring angrily at the Wraith. He went for his gun and John held up a hand.

"Woah, calm down big guy!" He said.

Ronon ignored him and pulled out his gun, pointing it straight at the Wraith, who just snarled at him. "He double-crossed us!" Ronon said angrily.

John took a step towards him. "We're alive, right?" He said. "And seven Wraith ships are gonna join us. Put the gun away."

Ronon narrowed his eyes but didn't move. He didn't shoot though, which John took as a good sign.

He turned to the Wraith. "Sit down," he said to him. The Wraith turned the snarl on him, but did as he was told. John turned back to Ronon. "Put it away," he repeated.

Ronon's lips twisted menacingly, but after a second he lowered his arm and holstered the gun.

"What happened?" Asked Teyla from behind him.

John watched Ronon for another moment before turning back round to look at Teyla. She was sitting up on the bench, her hands twisted together on her lap, tight against her stomach.

"The Wraith wanted to speak to our guy alone," he told her. "But they've gone now. We're outta here."

Teyla reached up one hand pushed her hair behind her ear, staring at the floor. John frowned.

"You okay?" He asked.

Teyla looked up at him and nodded, perhaps a little too quickly. "Yes, I am fine," she said. She stood up and walked past him, back to her seat at the front of the puddlejumper. She looked worried.

John looked over at Ronon to see if he had noticed, but he was busy glaring at the Wraith. He'd obviously taken the stunning incident hard. John shook his head and walked over to his own seat, eyeing the Wraith as he walked past. He was sneering at Ronon.

Teyla had sat down, and her hands were back on her lap, twisting together again. She stopped as soon as John sat down, and looked round at him, her face apparently calm and expectant, but he could still the worry in her eyes.

She was obviously not happy with the whole working with the Wraith situation. Hell, John wasn't crazy about it either. But if they wanted their plan to work, it had to happen.

Ronon took his seat behind Teyla and John started up the jumper engines.

"Let's get out of here," he said, flying back towards the gate. He glanced at Teyla.

She was twisting her hands again.


	2. The Infirmary

This one is told from Jennifer Keller's POV, and could be interpreted as being a _leeeetle_ bit Jennifer/Ronon – ish. :D

**Be All My Sins Remember'd – Missing Moment #2**

Jennifer pushed another piece of completed paperwork to one side of her desk and rolled her shoulders to ease the ache in her neck. So. Much. Paperwork.

_Ugh._

She heard heavy footsteps in the ward behind her, and Ronon's voice. "Sit down, I'll find Dr Keller," he said.

Jennifer spun her chair around and stood up, grabbing her stethoscope off her desk as she hurried out into the ward. What had happened? Why had no one radioed her?

Teyla was sitting on the edge of one of the beds, looking shaken but unharmed. Ronon was just walking away from her, but stopped when he saw Jennifer. She caught his eye and hesitated for a moment – she didn't want to give away Teyla's secret before she was ready to tell.

Jennifer walked past Ronon to Teyla's side. "Something wrong Teyla?" She asked, giving her a small smile.

"She got hit with a Wraith stunner," said Ronon.

_Oh dear lord._Jennifer had been scared that something like this would happen.

Jennifer looked round at him Ronon – one look at his worried eyes told her everything she needed to know. She turned back to Teyla. "Lie back for me," she said gently. She propped up the pillow as Teyla complied, and leant forward, speaking softly. "I take it Ronon knows."

Teyla settled back against the pillows and nodded. "Yes," she said. "Is the baby alright?"

Jennifer put her stethoscope in her ears and placed it on Teyla's stomach. She looked up at Teyla, who was staring at her imploringly. "The heartbeat is strong," she said. Teyla relaxed slightly, and Jennifer put her stethoscope back round her neck. "Have you felt any pain or nausea?" She asked.

"No."

"Did you fall far?"

Teyla shook her head. "No – I fell onto the bench of the puddlejumper," she said.

Jennifer breathed a sigh of relief. "Well that's something – a big fall could have been very dangerous," she said. Teyla looked away.

"Okay," said Jennifer. "Let's check you over properly – could you get changed? Go into exam room two."

Teyla sat up. "Alright," she said. She looked over at Ronon, and Jennifer followed her gaze. He was leaning against the next bed, his arms folded. He still looked a little worried.

"I'll wait out here," he said.

Teyla got up. "You don't have to wait, Ronon," she said.

"It's no problem," he replied.

Teyla gave him a smile, and then walked past him and Jennifer towards exam room two. Jennifer watched her carefully – she seemed okay.

Jennifer glanced at Ronon and saw that he was staring at her. He didn't look away when she caught him – he just raised his eyebrows slightly.

Jennifer cleared her throat slightly. "When did Teyla tell you?" She asked him.

"Just now," said Ronon.

Jennifer's eyes widened in shock. "Really?" She asked, taking in his perfectly calm demeanour. "You're taking it very well."

Ronon shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked.

"No reason," said Jennifer. She'd long ago dismissed the idea that there was anything romantic between he and Teyla, but shouldn't he still be at least a little surprised or something?

Ronon was looking at her, waiting for an answer, so she shrugged back at him. "I'd just expect you to be a bit more shocked is all," she told him truthfully.

Jennifer gave Ronon a small smile and turned away. She needed to gather some equipment to examine Teyla.

She heard Ronon's footsteps and felt him close behind her. "I knew something was going on between her and Kanan," he said.

Jennifer looked round at him in surprise, and quickly took a step back to put a little distance between them. Ronon raised an eyebrow at her, and Jennifer quickly looked away again. "Teyla told me that she hadn't told anyone about them," she said.

"She didn't," said Ronon. Jennifer looked round at him again, and couldn't help a small smile. He really was very observant – far more than anyone gave him credit for.

Ronon frowned slightly. "What?" He asked.

Jennifer shook her head and started to walk again. "Nothing," she said, still smiling. She walked over to a cupboard against the wall and opened it up to get some things out.

Ronon appeared next to her and draped one hand over the top of the cupboard door; a perfect impression of a high school boy by a locker. She almost laughed at the thought.

"Sheppard's taken her off active duty," he said.

Jennifer was surprised yet again. "Colonel Sheppard knows as well?" She asked.

"Yeah. He wasn't too happy she didn't tell him sooner, and he's taken her off the team," said Ronon, frowning slightly at the memory. "Then he stormed off."

Jennifer knew how nervous Teyla had been to tell her team-mates – she had probably been dreading a reaction like this. "Poor Teyla," she said.

Ronon let go of the cupboard door and took a small step towards her. "Can't you do something?" He asked.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Tell him that she can still go on missions."

Jennifer looked up at Ronon's earnest face and sighed.

"I'm Teyla's doctor, and she's pregnant," she said. "You want me to convince Colonel Sheppard to keep putting her_ in_ the line of fire?"

Ronon didn't get annoyed by her answer – but he did take another step closer to her. Jennifer resisted the urge to try and step back – she'd look mighty stupid falling into the cupboard.

"This is Teyla we're talking about," he said, his voice quiet. "She's not gonna stay on Atlantis and do nothing while her people are missing and the Wraith and Replicators are still out there."

Jennifer stared up into Ronon's pleading eyes, and wished that there was something she could do. She saw the truth in what he was saying, and knew how hard things had been on Teyla recently. It was only going to get worse as her pregnancy progressed.

"I know," she said. "And if there's anything I can do to help her, believe me I will." She sighed and shook her head. "But it's not up to me."

Ronon stared at her, and Jennifer met his gaze for a few moments. Eventually she wrenched her eyes away and turned back to the cupboard, brushing against Ronon as she turned. He took a step back.

Jennifer picked up what she needed and closed the cupboard door, trying to ignore the prickling sensation on the back of her neck that told her Ronon was still watching her. When she turned round she saw that Ronon was standing next to the cupboard, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on her.

"Take care of her," he said when she looked at him.

Jennifer nodded. "You too," she said. She turned and walked away from him, towards exam room two and Teyla.

She felt his eyes on her all the way there.


	3. Things To Do

**Be All My Sins Remember'd – Missing Moment #3**

_I'm pregnant, John_.

He walked faster.

_Just under two_.

He sped up some more. Airmen, soldiers, marines, scientists – all jumped out of his way as they saw him coming; John neither noticed nor cared. He was reeling as though he'd been knocked out.

How could she not have told him? _How? _She said she'd tried… when? When had she tried? All she would have had to say was 'John, I have to tell you something' and he would have been all ears.

No, she had deliberately kept him in the dark about her condition. She hadn't wanted him to know. Hell, if she hadn't been stunned today, he still wouldn't. He almost felt grateful to the Wraith for it. In fact, he _did _feel grateful. There was no knowing when she would have thought to tell him she was pregnant if she hadn't got stunned.

He probably wouldn't have found out until something way worse had happened. Like her fainting in a firefight and getting shot. Or fed on. One punch to the stomach and she would might have a miscarriage. She could have had complications while they were off-world and none of them would have known what was wrong with her. She could have been injured and he might have given her medication that could have hurt her and her baby.

_Anything could have happened_. _Anything. And it would have been _his _fault_.

John felt a cool breeze on his cheek and realised that he was outside on one of the balconies. He hadn't paid any attention to where his feet were carrying him, but now that he found himself outside he gulped down the cold air gratefully. He needed to clear his head.

John walked over to the balcony railing and looked out over the city. He loved Atlantis at this time of night – lights blazing, and still bustling with activity. Especially at the moment. Everyone was busy – and he should be too.

He didn't have time for this. He had to dump his gear, check on Rodney, and talk to Sam. He needed to let Ellis and Caldwell know how much back up they'd have and tell them that Larrin and her ships would be arriving within the hour.

He had things to do. He didn't have time to stand here thinking about Teyla and her… her…

Her _baby_.

Teyla was _pregnant_. She was going to have a child. She was going to be a mother. And he'd yelled in her face and then stormed off.

Still though, how the hell had she expected him to react?! _She hadn't told him_, and that was the bottom line. She'd put herself in danger, her team in danger, her _baby_ in danger. Until he understood why she would do such a thing, John couldn't think of anything else.

But he didn't have time to think about it right now. He had things to do.


	4. The Armoury

**Be All My Sins Remember'd – Missing Moment #4**

John bumped into Ronon just outside the armoury, where he was supervising the arming of the marines.

"Where've you been?" John asked as the Satedan appeared next to him.

"I went to the infirmary with Teyla," said Ronon.

John looked away, nodding at Lieutenant Dane as he left the armoury. He was the last to get kitted out, and was about time for him to get going. John walked into the armoury and started to put his side arm away - there was no point taking a gun to Larrin's ship, since she'd have him disarmed the moment he got there.

"She's fine, by the way," said Ronon, who was standing in the doorway. "Keller says there was no harm done."

John finished putting his gun away and quickly scanned the room, to make sure everything was in its right place.

"John?"

John turned to face Ronon. "We'd better get going," he said flatly, walking past him and into the hallway. "You need to get up onto the Daedalus and I need to get to the Apollo..."

"Kanan's the father."

John's feet stopped moving so abruptly he rocked forward. _Kanan?_

He turned around slowly until he was facing Ronon again. "Are you kidding?"

Ronon shook his head. "No," he said. "You know he's always had feelings for her -"

John snorted derisively. "Yeah but she never - I didn't think she - _Kanan?_"

Ronon gave a small shrug, and John narrowed his eyes at him. "Did you know?"

"I suspected," replied Ronon.

John let out a frustrated breath and fought the urge to punch the wall next to him. Since finding out Teyla's _news_ he'd barely stopped thinking about the subject, but only really about why she hadn't told him. Apart from Sam's question earlier, he hadn't given much thought – had actually avoided _any _thought – on who the father might be. But had he thought about it, he never would have suspected Kanan. He was... Kanan was just... what did she_ see_ in him?

"They've been friends all their life," said Ronon. "He's really loyal to her, and he's been helping her a lot, with the Athosians, looking after things in her absence..."

John threw his hands up and shook his head. "We don't have time to talk about this now," he said shortly. "We gotta go."

"Yeah," said Ronon, staring at him intently. "Good luck."

John shifted a little uncomfortably and then nodded. "Yeah, you too," he said.

He turned and walked away as quickly as possible. He'd never been so glad that part of his job was blasting things apart with Ancient weapons.


	5. Left Behind

Finally, Teyla's POV… sorry, but I love writing John's POV…

**Be All My Sins Remember'd – Missing Moment #5**

Teyla walked down the hallway, watching as everyone prepared for the upcoming mission. She felt utterly useless.

She had not seen John again to plead her case – he was obviously getting ready for his part in the upcoming mission, whatever it was. Since she was not to be participating in the operation no one had thought to tell her any of the details; even Ronon had disappeared.

There was nothing for her to do, and Teyla hated it.

At that moment, Colonel Carter rounded the corner in front of her, talking to Colonel Ellis.

"Alright, good luck Colonel," she said to him.

"You too," replied Ellis. "Ellis to Apollo – ready to beam."

He disappeared in a flash of blue light. Teyla sped up.

"Colonel Carter!" She called. The Colonel turned, and smiled widely.

"Teyla," she said warmly as she got nearer, and her eyes flickered down to her stomach. "Congratulations."

Teyla stopped in her tracks, surprised. "You have heard?" She asked.

Carter nodded, still smiling. "Yeah, John told me," she said.

Teyla's eyes widened, but she quickly recovered. "Has he also told you that he –"

"Removed you from active duty?" Interrupted Carter, her smile fading. She nodded. "Yes, he did." She looked at her seriously. "Teyla, I know what you're going to say and I'm sorry – but there's nothing I can do."

Teyla opened her mouth to speak, but Carter carried on before she could.

"Colonel Sheppard is your team leader, and if he says you're off active duty, then you are," she said.

Teyla straightened her shoulders. "I do not necessarily have to be on Colonel Sheppard's team," she said, though the thought of joining another team was not a particularly appealing one. She would gladly do it though, for the chance to keep looking for her people.

Carter shook her head. "I'm not prepared to undermine Colonel Sheppard's authority like that," she said. "Besides… I don't entirely disagree with his decision."

Teyla took a deep breath to keep from screaming. Did they really think she was so weak?

"I still have the same abilities as I have –"

"I understand that Teyla," said Carter. "But you're pregnant, and what you do is very dangerous. Think of your baby."

Teyla raised her chin defiantly. "I am," she said.

Carter looked at her for a moment and then sighed. "Teyla… I can't really talk about this right now," she said. "We'll have to continue this after the mission."

Teyla nodded, her mouth in a thin line. A mission that she would not be going on.

"Very well," she said. "Good luck."

Carter nodded. "Thanks," she said. She gave her a small smile. "And Teyla… we're all here for you."

She activated her radio. "Carter to the Daedalus – ready to beam." And in a moment she was gone.

_We're all her__e for you_.

Teyla knew that in their own way, Colonel Carter and even John thought that they were doing what was best for her, but it didn't help her frustration levels.

There came the sound of heavy footsteps, and John suddenly rounded the corner with two marines. They stopped next to a crate of weapons, and John activated his radio.

"Sheppard to the Daedalus," he said. As he spoke he turned around and saw Teyla. He froze.

Teyla stared at him in silence from halfway down the hallway, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

John's features tightened and he looked away. "We're ready to go."

Blue light filled the corridor and a second later Teyla was alone.


	6. Forget

Well, sorry I didn't post this one right away… I wanted to see Spoils of War fist, to ensure that it was in canon. And… it was! Wahoo… So here's the final missing moment.

I loved Spoils of War, and thinking of doing a few missing moments for that as well. Of course, there aren't that many missing moments for that episode, because they had so many moments ON SCREEN! Can I get a high five? No? Fine, leave me hanging, I don't care…

ANYway… thank you for the reviews, and I hope you like this last instalment. Roll on Quarantine.

**Be All My Sins Remember'd – Missing Moment #6**

It was late when John finally approached his quarters. Very, very late. The corridors were empty and silent as he dragged his weary feet down them, his mind still buzzing from the conversation he'd just had.

"_Teyla's pregnant? Seriously? Who's the father? How far along… wait a minute, this is a joke isn'__t it? Seriously? Wow. I mean, that's great… um… who's the father? I didn't even know she was seeing anyone… She must be thrilled though. Pregnant! Wow."_

John didn't know what had possessed him to tell Rodney about Teyla's condition. He'd been sitting opposite him in the empty mess hall, listening to him rabbiting on about how great the op had gone and how much of an ass Ellis was, but all he'd been able to think about was Teyla and her revelation. He'd known Rodney had to be told sooner or later, and for some reason had plumped for sooner.

To tell the truth, John had been hoping for a little understanding – for someone to get why he had had to react the way he had. His earlier conversation with Ronon kept coming back to haunt him – Ronon had gone to the infirmary with her, had been the supportive friend. Ronon hadn't said anything reproachful to John about his decision, and he knew he wouldn't, but he also knew his friend thought he had been too harsh. It had been there in his eyes when they had talked.

Rodney, though, seemed to be too shocked by the news to really understand the ramifications of how it had been kept a secret for so long. And for the rest of the meal John had had to endure Rodney's repeated exclamations of surprise.

He knew Sam understood from a military point of view, but she hadn't seemed the least bit irked when he'd told her. But then Teyla wasn't a member of _her _team, and she didn't know her too well… would Elizabeth have been angry?

_No. It was just him._

The knowledge that he was the only one angry about the situation did little to relieve John of the emotion. So what if no one else felt it? He still had every right to be annoyed with Teyla. Not only was she a member of his team, but she was supposed to be his friend.

_Would a friend really have reacted the way you did?_

John shook his head, trying to rid himself of the annoying little voice. He turned the corner onto his corridor.

Golden light was spilling into the darkened hallway from under Teyla's door, and a shadow was moving across it, back and forth. Teyla was still awake. And she was pacing.

John stopped, watching Teyla's shadow as she moved across her room. Why was she still awake? Surely she needed to rest… she was pregnant! She couldn't stay up half the night walking around her room!

John ran his hands through his hair, silently cursing himself for being so… so _him_. Why was he worrying about her? This was Teyla, and if she needed worrying about, she'd let him know in her own good time, like she had with her pregnancy. He'd taken her off active duty to keep her safe – if she wanted to stay awake all night she was entitled to do so.

Being as quiet as he could, John walked past her door and kept going until he reached his own quarters. As soon as he was inside his weariness caught up with him again. He kicked off his boots and crawled into bed still fully dressed, just wanting to fall asleep and forget this day ever happened.

There was a soft knock on John's door, so soft he barely heard it. But he did. He opened his eyes and lifted his head, staring at his door.

The knock came again, still as soft as before. It was the knock of someone who wasn't sure he was there, and who didn't know if they should be. It was Teyla.

John's hands clenched under his bedclothes as he kept staring at the door, completely still. His mind was racing, his body was poised to go answer the door, but something held him back. He couldn't do this. Not now. Not yet.

The knock didn't come again, and after a few moments shuffling noises from outside told John that Teyla had walked away.

Slowly, he lowered his head back onto his pillow. He pulled his quilt up over his eyes.

_Please. Let me forget this day ever happened. _


End file.
